Mindful Communication: How to communicate better using meditation

Have you ever had an experience while talking to someone that they’re not really listening to you? Whether it’s on a first date or even with a long-term partner, you find them nodding, asking you to repeat yourself, watching a TV screen in the background, or consumed with their own thoughts.

Unfortunately, it’s quite likely that you’ve unintentionally done this to someone else as well. While it may seem benign at first, not being present in the moment can be viewed as, “I’m not interested” or “I don’t care” to the person at the receiving end. On an ongoing basis, this leads to misunderstandings, miscommunication, and the potential end of a relationship.

If you want to have a long-lasting, successful relationship, it is essential to move beyond the standard definition of communication – i.e. back and forth conversation – and learn the art of mindful communication.

Meditation, mindful communication, meditation tips

What Is Mindful Communication?

Mindfulness is defined as “paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally.” (1)

Mindful communication, therefore, refers to the process of being present during your interactions with other people. When you are undistracted and present in the moment, you will be better able to empathize with others, pick up on verbal and nonverbal cues, and be more sensitive to a different point of view, or situational context i.e. has this person had a bad day? (1)  

The Benefits of Mindful Communication

While cultivating mindfulness has most often associated with reduced stress and anxiety, practitioners have also started using it as a tool to resolve and prevent conflict amongst couples, and to improve their overall relationships. (2)

For example, Dr. James Carson and his colleagues at the University of North Carolina found that an 8-week mindfulness training program led to higher relationship satisfaction for all participating couples. (2)

Another study by Wachs and Cordova also found a strong positive correlation between mindfulness and global marital adjustment. The research states that, “more mindful partners literally see each other more clearly, regard each other more nonjudgmentally, behave more responsively toward each other, and navigate challenging waters of intimacy more gracefully.” (3)


Meditation, mindful communication, meditation tips

How To Communicate Better Using Mindful Meditation

Fortunately, mindfulness can be cultivated in a structured and practical manner on a daily basis with the aid of meditation. This is because meditation drives behavioural changes at a physiological level – it has the ability to physically alter the brain, by strengthening neural connections that encourage more rational behaviour, while weakening others that drive fear and irrational, emotional responses.

More specifically, meditation develops and nurtures mindful communication in the following ways: (4) (5)

1. Increased emotional intelligence and resilience

Quite simply put, meditation helps you let things go, and bounce back from negative emotions at a much faster rate. How so? Meditation strengthens the lateral prefrontal cortex, also known as the ‘assessment centre’. This is the portion of the brain that allows you to look at a situation from a more rational and logical perspective, and it decreases the tendency to take things personally.

In a relationship, this helps view a situation from a more rational perspective, and create space between immediate judgments and responses. You may find yourself snapping less at your partner, or not taking every comment as a personal attack.

mindful communication


2. Reduced reactivity

MRI scans have shown that an 8-week mindfulness meditation program can shrink the amygdala, the primal portion of the brain that governs initial emotional reactions to stress, such as anger and fear. Meditation was also able to weaken the connection between the amygdala and other areas of the brain so that it was activated less often.

Meditation essentially creates an emotional circuit breaker, lessening feels of fear and insecurity i.e. “is he or she going to leave me?”

3. Greater empathy

Research shows that the connection between the dorsomedial prefrontal cortex – the ‘me centre’ of the brain that references back to your perspective and also infers other people’s state of mind – and the insula – involved in ‘gut-level’ feelings – becomes stronger after meditation. This strengthened connection enhances your capacity to understand where another person is coming from, and put yourself in their shoes.

4. Improved self-awareness

Have you ever been in a relationship that made you forget who you were or made you lose sight of your values? Relationships do require vulnerability, however that doesn’t mean letting emotions and thoughts carry you away. As noted in the research above, since meditation helps strengthen the rational parts and intuitive parts of the brain on a daily basis, you will be more in tune with what feels right, what feels wrong, and whether a particular relationship is right for you.

This self-awareness also extends to greater ‘gut level’ intuition, which is governed by the insula region of the brain. The role of the insula is to monitor bodily sensations and assesses whether they are benign or harmful, and a strengthened insula will be better able to pick up on bodily cues from the muscles, skin, ears and eyes if something doesn’t feel right.

Meditation, mindful communication, meditation tips

Tips On How To Communicate Better

If you would like to incorporate meditation into your daily routine, you can view this beginner’s meditation guide here.

You can also reap the benefits of mindful communication by incorporating some of the strategies below into your communication with a current or new partner:

  1. Clear your head before beginning a conversation
  2. Listen to your partner without interrupting
  3. Make direct eye contact
  4. Allow your partner to share negative emotions without needing to fix it
  5. Put yourself in your partner’s shoes, do not look at a situation from your perspective
  6. Do not make assumptions, ask for clarification
  7. Choose your words carefully. Before you say something, ask yourself if you would like it if this was said to you

Communication can make or break a relationship, but it is important to remember that the first step towards being a better communicator has to begin with you being more mindful in your daily interactions, and cultivating greater self-awareness.

Interested in learning more about mindful communication and connecting with our Muse team in person?

Bumble Canada will be hosting three days of empowering connections and programming, centred around fostering and finding connection.

Learn more HERE: http://thebeehive.bumble.com/bumbleblog/bumble-hive-toronto 



  1. Hall, E. (2017). Communicating Mindfully in Relationships. [online] Psychology Today. Available at:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/conscious-communication/201709/communicating-mindfully-in-relationships [Accessed 24 Apr. 2018].
  2. CARSON, J., CARSON, K., GIL, K. and BAUCOM, D. (2006). MINDFULNESS-BASED RELATIONSHIP ENHANCEMENT (MBRE) IN COUPLES. Mindfulness-Based Treatment Approaches, pp.309-331.
  3. Wachs, K. and Cordova, J. (2007). Mindful Relating: Exploring Mindfulness and Emotion Repertoires in Intimate Relationships. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 33(4), pp.464-481.
  4. Lucas, M. (2009). Nine ways a meditating brain creates better relationships. [online] Psychology Today. Available at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rewire-your-brain-love/200911/nine-ways-meditating-brain-creates-better-relationships  [Access 24 Apr. 2018]
  5. Gladding, R. (2013). This is your brain on meditation. [online] Psychology Today. Available at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/use-your-mind-change-your-brain/201305/is-your-brain-meditation  [Accessed 24 Apr. 2018].

Too Busy To Meditate? Here’s Why You Need It The Most

There is an old Zen saying:  “You should sit in meditation for 20 minutes a day. Unless you’re too busy, then you should sit for an hour.” If you’re constantly checking notifications or crossing things off your to-do list, the science shows you probably need to start meditating… right now.

How often have you heard yourself lamenting, “there just aren’t enough hours in the day”, or “things have been so busy”? It’s not uncommon – the reality is that most of us find ourselves running from one task or place to the next, and then filling the gaps in between with distractions like scrolling through Instagram or watching Netflix.

The problem with this need to keep ourselves preoccupied at all times, is that it results in the opposite of ‘getting more done’ – being busy all the time makes the brain less efficient, less productive, and worsens overall performance. It also leaves little room for reflection and a break from routine, which is what makes life more meaningful.

Meditation, how to meditate, meditation for beginners, learn to meditate, how do you meditate, meditation tips

Signs You Need to Meditate: The “busy” trap

Here’s the easiest, single question litmus test that will give you your answer: Do you have 5 minutes a day to meditate? If not, you need to meditate.

Being ‘too busy’ can often be just a reflection of priorities, and not a real reason to take some time for self-care. After all, if high achievers such as Tim Ferriss, Oprah Winfrey, Ray Dalio, and Ellen DeGeneres practice daily meditation, you can too.

Most people believe that although their schedules are jam-packed they are still in control of their life, and how they spend their time. In fact, you may not even be consciously aware of the extent to which keeping yourself busy controls your life. Below are some clear signs that you would stand to benefit from a meditation practice: (1)

  • Are you constantly checking your smartphone for notifications?
  • Do you feel guilty if you don’t have much work to do?
  • Is it difficult for you to relax or take vacation?
  • Is it difficult for you to sit in silence without external stimulation of any kind?
  • Do your days consist of going from one to-do list item to the next?
  • Do you find it difficult not to talk about work?
  • Do others consider you a workaholic?

If you found yourself nodding “yes” to one or more of those questions, you’re in dire need of a heavy dose of mindfulness.

The Benefits of Meditation

Given our fast-paced reality, it is perfectly normal to have one, if not all of the warning signs above resonate with you.

Just as exercise is necessary to train the body and fight against a sedentary lifestyle, so is mediation a necessary tool to train the mind and become more effective in fighting off distraction. Research has shown that the benefits of meditation do extend beyond the current moment, and improve these two areas in particular:


A study conducted by the Information School of Washington found that meditation improves memory and the ability to focus on the task at hand. (2) Whether that’s work, a sport, or a conversation with a friend, we all know that being able to give our full attention enhances the overall quality of the experience. The study also showed that people had lower levels of stress and less distraction.


As recently discussed in this article about brainwaves, meditation does allow us to train our brains to operate at slower frequency states.  These brainwave-changing skills help deepen your ability to focus and control your attention  – abilities that are key for athletic performance as well as work performance.


Meditation, how to meditate, meditation for beginners, learn to meditate, how do you meditate, meditation tips

How To Meditate

Fortunately, you don’t need to visit an ashram in India, or hike to the top of a mountain to learn to meditate. The beauty of a meditation practice lies in its simplicity and ease of access.  

One of the simplest forms of meditation for beginners is concentration meditation, where you have a single anchor, such as your breath, to use as a way to bring your wandering mind back from distractions.  The idea is that once you start to practice what is known as attentional loops, you become increasingly more skillful at avoiding distracting thoughts and bringing your mind back into focus.  

Here’s what to do:

  1. Find a quiet and calming space at home where you will be undisturbed.
  2. Sit on a mat or chair in a comfortable position.  Avoid laying down as that may make you potentially fall asleep – this is all about focused attention!
  3. Concentrate on a single point of focus  – this could entail following your breath, staring at a candle flame or repeating a mantra such as ‘Om’.
  4. Anytime you find your mind wandering, shift your attention back to the point of focus. Do not judge your mind for wandering, just become aware of the thought and then let it go.
  5. Try this for as little as five minutes, and then gradually increase the duration. You can stick to five minutes, or go all the way up to one hour if you’d like! Practicing on a consistent basis is more important than duration.

Meditation, how to meditate, meditation for beginners, learn to meditate, how do you meditate, meditation tips


Meditation Tips for Beginners

When you’re starting out, your mind is going to wander a lot. This is perfectly normal! The key a successful meditation practice is bringing the mind back from a wandering thought to the point of focus, as much as possible — reinforcing that attentional loop.

To help bring back your mind from wandering thoughts and to make your practice more effective, try some of the meditation tips below:

  • Try guided meditation. This helps provide structure for beginners and keeps the mind more focused. Use an app like Muse to guide you through meditation sessions that are as short as three minutes or up to an hour.
  • Listen to soothing sounds. It’s often much easier to quieten the mind if you’re listening to waves crashing on a beach or the sound of rain. With the Muse app, you can choose from carefully crafted meditation soundscapes such as the beach, rainforest, a city park, ambient music or a desert.
  • Get real-time feedback and take out the guesswork. Measure your brainwave activity during a meditation session with the brain sensing headband, Muse. Using sensors on the forehead, Muse can translate brain activity into guiding sounds. For example, let’s say that you select the soundscape ‘beach’ for your meditation sessions. If your thoughts are bouncing around, the waves will pick up, signalling you to shift your focus. Once your mind is calm, the waves will also become softer.

Lastly, the best advice for beginners is to just do – don’t get too caught up in the ‘how’. Try to commit to a few minutes every morning and check in with yourself after a month to really feel the difference.


  1. Harvard Business Review. (2018). The Busyness Trap. [online] Available at: https://hbr.org/2011/05/the-busyness-trap [Accessed 5 Mar. 2018].
  2. Levy, D., Wobbrock, J., Kaszniak, A. and Ostergren, M. (2012). The Effects of Mindfulness Meditation Training on Multitasking in a High-Stress Information Environment. Proceedings of Graphics Interface, [online] (2012). Available at: http://faculty.washington.edu/wobbrock/pubs/gi-12.02.pdf [Accessed 5 Mar. 2018].
  3. Lustenberger, C., Boyle, M., Foulser, A., Mellin, J. and Fröhlich, F. (2015). Functional role of frontal alpha oscillations in creativity. Cortex, [online] 67, pp.74-82. Available at: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0010945215001033 [Accessed 26 Feb. 2018].

40 Days of Meditation With Muse: A Journey


My 40-day journey into meditation with Muse (the brain-sensing headband)

This article has been republished with permission from Kal.ceo.  This was originally published at Kal.ceo on July 1, 2015 and slightly updated on Jan 21, 2018.  Some sections of the original article have been removed, however, you can view the full article HERE


This is Kal’s personal experience and thoughts on Muse and meditation.

He states: “while I’ve done my best to take a process-based approach, I am not a scientist, doctor, or guru. I encourage you to do your homework and feel free to call me out on anything I may have missed or got wrong. This include grammar and speling mestakes!

In attempts to make things simple, I’ve divided the article into six sections. From the table of content below, you can easily click around and navigate from one to another at your pleasure.

Thanks for reading.”

– Kal

About this article

What started out to be an exercise in self-improvement quickly became an obsession. After documenting my meditation sessions and showing a few close friends — one thing led to another — I found myself with this 7,000-word article. Alas, I’m super excited to finally launch and share with you my journey into meditation using Muse — the brain sensing headband. Included are highlights of noteworthy sessions, a ton of nerdy data, and related research I’ve gathered.

Highlights you can look forward to:

  • Meditation session while medicated on cannabis
  • An emotional breakdown
  • Discovering how theta-wave rhythms prompt epiphanies

Table of contents:

  1. About Muse and the brainWhat do electric eels have to do with EEG
  2. Observations and insightsWhat I’ve learned about meditation and me…
  3. Noteworthy sessionsInteresting stories, highlights, and epic failures
  4. The dataNerds and Geeks, I present to you: sexy graphs and charts
  5. Approach and process My attempt at being an amateur scientist
  6. EpilogueMy journey into meditation

“Muse [by Interaxon] is the first tool in the world that can give you accurate, real-time feedback on what’s happening in your brain when you meditate. It provides motivational challenges and rewards to encourage you to build a regular practice.”

– ChooseMuse.com

Muse headband sensors

  • 7 sensors to read delta, theta, alpha, beta and gamma waves
  • Wraps comfortably around the forehead and above the ears
  • Super simple to use: turn it on, connect device to app via Bluetooth, put on the headband, and begin
  • Headphones/earbuds optional but highly recommended
  • Pre-session questions ensure device is properly calibrated
  • During session, app delivers real-time feedback via audio
  • Brain activity is recorded and displayed in-app, via line-graph format

The app

The Muse app (for both iOS and Android) visualizes your brain activity, specifically how calm or active your mind is. Gamification (challenges, badges, and awards) keeps you coming back.

Real-time audio feedback

The app delivers audio feedback based on brain activity. When very calm, ambience noise is silenced while birds are heard chirping and landing within the vicinity. Depending on brain activity, sounds of light rain to heavy rain and thunder can be heard — no birds chirping.

At the time of writing this, you can choose between two settings: rain in a forest, or waves by an ocean shore. (Update: there are now five distinctive soundscapes.)

Research and usage

Over 75 different research institutions are currently using Muse.

 Trevor Coleman, Muse co-founder

“Studies have shown 10 one-hour sessions with a neurofeedback-based EEG system can be as effective as Ritalin in terms of treating ADD, with those effects persisting for six months. With a headband like the Muse, it’s totally possible to deliver a drug-free treatment for ADD. That’s the kind of thing that we’re really excited about looking at and working in as we go forward,”

– Trevor Coleman, Muse co-founder

For more research information on Muse, you can visit the research section HERE.

Brain science primer

A few definitions:

  • Electroencephalography (EEG) is typically a non-invasive (however invasive electrodes are often used in specific applications) method to record electrical activity of the brain along the scalp. EEG measures voltage fluctuations resulting from ionic currents within the neurons of the brain.[01]
  • EEG Biofeedback is a learning strategy that enables persons to alter their brain waves. When information about a person’s own brainwave characteristics is made available to him, he can learn to change them. You can think of it as exercise for the brain.[02]
  • Neurofeedback-therapy (NFT), offers an additional treatment option for people with eating disorders, addictions, mood disorders, anxiety and attention deficit disorder.[03]

Historical moments[04]

  • 46AD: Scribonius Largus uses two electric eels caught from the  Mediterranean Sea against Emperor Claudius’ head to relieve savage migraines. This is the first recorded instance of electrical stimulation being used as a medical treatment.
  • 1798: Sir Alexander Crichton discusses hyperactivity and mental restlessness in his book “An inquiry into the nature and origin of mental derangement”.
  • 1902: George Still describes ADHD for the first time.
  • 1924: German psychiatrist Hans Berger connects electrodes (small round discs of metal) to a patient’s scalp and detects current by using a ballistic galvanometer (a medical device, not a Transformer).
  • 1932: G Ditch becomes the first researcher into QEEG (Quantitative EEG).
  • 1968: Joe Kamiya popularizes neurofeedback in an article for Psychology Today about alpha brain wave experiments.
  • 1970: Doctor Robert White performs the first head transplant from one monkey to another.
  • 1977: More public awareness on the subject thanks to books like Stress and the Art of Biofeedback, written by Barbara Brown, Research Psychologist.
  • 80–90s: Neurofeedback is being applied to a wide variety of psychological and central nervous system based conditions, including ADD/ADHD.

More recently:

  • Neurofeedback is used for peak performance by professional sports teams, Olympic athletes, and business people. It is commonly used as a non-drug solution for ADHD, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and emotional conditions of all sorts.
  • Neuromarketing emerges, aimed at making better marketing decisions based on neuroscience.
  • Neuroethics is becoming increasingly important in the field of brain science.
  • Consumers can now buy DIY kits that electrically stimulate the brain to help with depression, anxiety, and a host of other mental ailments
  • Similar to Star Trek’s Borg, scientists connect three monkey brains together to create a ‘brain-net’. The brain-net is able to solve complex problems that the monkeys cannot solve individually.
  • Doctors like Adam Gazzaley and Jane McGonigal research and create brain games to assist in a variety of areas from strengthening cognition to overcoming trauma.

Correlation vs causation

Do peak performers eventually find meditation and attempt to reap its rewards? Or does meditation help achieve peak performance? Between the anecdotal testimonies of peak performers like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Richard Branson in combination with scientific research, the benefits of meditation is solid.

More than just spirituality

For some, meditation is a way to connect to the universe, or perhaps a higher Being. More recently the scientific community has acknowledged that there’s more to the practice than connecting with God.

“There is nothing spooky or irrational about mindfulness, and the literature on its psychological benefits is now substantial.” [05]

– Sam Harris, Neuroscientist, Philosopher

Benefits include:[06]

  • Increases mindfulness while decreasing the default mode network (DMN), the brain network responsible for mind-wandering and self-referential thoughts
  • Improves concentration and attention
  • Helps relieve depression and anxiety
  • Helps break addictions
  • Helps preserve the ageing brain
  • May even lead to volume changes in key areas of the brain

Evolutionary impact

The practice of meditation has been around as early as 2600 BC.[07] “Some authors have even suggested the hypothesis that the emergence of the capacity for focused attention, an element of many methods of meditation, may have contributed to the final phases of human biological evolution.” [08]Woah.

“Upgrade your grey matter,


Cause one day it may matter.”[09]

– Dan the Automator


Before, during, and after

  • Pre-meditation

    • Alcohol in small amounts is not as bad as I thought, no real impact on my Muse Calm Score (CS)
    • Lack of sleep, hunger, and pre-meditation emotions impact CS
    • Cannabis leads to lower CS the next day
  • During meditation

    • Random memories forgotten seem to surface without purpose
    • Session is over fast when calm, seems to never end when distressed (more on this later)
    • Spikes of brain activity is produced by epiphanies and REM (more on this later)
    • Epiphanies and answers to tough questions surface out of nowhere
  • Post-meditation

    • Self-awareness and awareness of environment and others heightened throughout the day
    • Better decisions throughout the day
    • Increased peacefulness, and general happiness throughout the day

Feedback loop

Referring to the audio feedback from the app, my partner Lannie asked,“How does the feedback loop affect your meditations?” My thoughts below:

  • Life is a feedback loop. We’re often aware that we are being observed. It’s important to accept that we cannot avoid either the noise of life and observation (judgement) from others.
  • I like the feedback. It notifies me when I stray.
  • At first, I was affected by the audio, and thus a feedback-loop was experienced. Eventually, I got much better at not letting the feedback affect me, sometimes forgetting it’s there.
  • The science of observation: Only once observed, does matter change its behaviour from waves to particles. If matter changes on the atomic level — you better believe we do too. Check out wave-particle duality or the double-split experiment. (video)[10]

Two types of calm

The Muse app differentiates between three levels of brain activity: calm, neutral, and active. However, the line-graphs can tell a very different story. There’s ‘calm’ and then there is ‘…I’m in Nirvana calm’[11].

Left: A pretty calm state. Right: That time I touched God.

Brain activity can fluctuate quite a bit, even within the calm band, sometimes coming close to or slightly into neutral. Typically, this is the case. Nirvana-calm is when brain activity is extremely close or touching the zero-line, and remains there for seconds to minutes at a time.

Such an example of this can be found under ‘Noteworthy sessions // Absolute bliss’.

4am sessions

Early morning meditation sessions between 4 and 5 am became my favourite. In fact, they account for 48% of my sessions. This is when I experience the most peace, silence, and stillness.

My morning routine:

  • Wake up at 4 am
  • Drink half to a full cup of Bulletproof Coffee (BPC)[12]
  • Begin meditation sessions

Learn more about my daily routines.

Awake and alert vs fatigued and exhausted

Surprisingly, being awake and alert yields higher CS. While alert, I am able to easily bring my attention back to breathing. This is more evident during my early morning routines after drinking a cup of BPC.

One would think being tired results in less brain activity; I’ve experienced the opposite. Fatigue and exhaustion always result in low CS. Exhaustion creates an alarming amount of head-noise which is very difficult to overcome. Imagine a dozen broken records playing the same time. Exhaustion reminds me of a computer left on for too long, running unnecessary processes in the background, burning itself out. Similar to a computer, the brain needs to shut down and cool off.

There is a temporary solution to exhaustion: stretching and yoga.

Stretching and light yoga

After a few minutes of stretching, yoga, focused breathing, and a bit of kung fu to channel my energies, my CS generally improves, sometimes dramatically. I’ve also noticed my posture naturally improves, allowing for better breathing.

Brain scans of yoga practitioners reveal that yoga produces a decrease in anxiety and a boost in a brain chemical that enhances our mood.[13]

“Yogic practices can be used as psycho-physiologic stimuli to increase endogenous secretion of melatonin, which, in turn, might be responsible for an improved sense of well-being.” [14]

– Journal of Alternative and Complementary Medicine

Mindset and intention

Similar to physical preparation, mental preparation is important before meditation as well. Some call this mental preparation ‘setting intentions’.

  • Fluster and frustration: Typically from too much going on, the noise seems impossible to silence resulting in lower CS.
  • Anticipation and retrospection: The anticipation of a future event will create an active mind. Similarly, retrospection creates mental noise. A quote comes to mind:
  • If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present”[15]
  • – Lao Tzu
  • Desire for “high-score”: Typically a noisy session, the desire to achieve a high CS results in the opposite.
  • Anger: Interestingly, anger is not nearly as bad as being annoyed, sad, or exhausted. My hypothesis is that anger turns off my ‘thinking brain’ allowing me to more easily tune out thoughts. Also, the high energy makes me alert, able to better observe my breathing. Thanks Ben Morgan for the additional thought on this.
  • For pleasure: Highest CS is achieved when I genuinely want to meditate, and not for any other ulterior motive.

“If you meditate for an ulterior motive, that is to say, to improve your mind, to improve your character, to be more efficient in life, you’ve got your eye on the future and you are not meditating. Because the future is a concept. It doesn’t exist.”

– Alan Watts (1915–1973)

Observing vs committing

Through meditation, I have witnessed the crazy amount of random and unprovoked thoughts that enter my mind throughout the day. Attempting to suppress them only strengthens them. The key is to observe and let the thoughts pass. In my best meditation sessions, I am able to observe without judgement, interference, or commitment.

“Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.”

– Eckhart Tolle

Do vs try

When I try to meditate or focus on my breathing, my brain activity is high, and my CS low. There is a mysterious area between wanting and doing — difficult to describe — that produces great results. By not trying to focus on my breathing, but rather, becoming one with my breath, I am able to experience more peace. When I am able to do this, nothing else exists. Not I, not my surroundings, just my breath.

Only a few times did I experience this extraordinary feeling.

Attention vs interest

The attempt to ‘pay attention’ or ‘focus’ can actually increase brain activity. By simply changing the word ‘attention’ to ‘interest’ makes a huge difference. The continued mantra of being ‘interested’ allows me to enjoy, indulge, and lose myself to the serene and beautiful rhythms of breathing.

“Interest creates flow, flow prompts a feeling of joy. It’s easy to be interested, while difficult (and goal-oriented) to pay attention or to ‘focus’.”[16]– Someone

Unlike attention and focus, interest is pleasurable and without a future objective. I believe this was key.

Eliminating language

This idea may be a bit strange, but it works. Language allows one to describe, label, and provide commentary. Disconnecting from language allows me to observe and be aware of my thoughts without being consumed by them.

This is an idea I came up with that seems to work for me, but I have not found any literature on this subject in my research.

Time is an illusion

We’ve all experienced the intangible inconsistency of time. This feeling is amplified during meditation. During my most blissful sessions, time seems to stand still, and paradoxically the session is over in mere moments. The opposite is true when my mind is flustered, frustrated, and noisy. Time seems to move fast at a thousand thoughts per minute, while the session just never seems to end.

“Time isn’t precious at all, because it is an illusion. What you perceive as precious is not time but the one point that is out of time: the Now. That is precious indeed. The more you are focused on time — past and future — the more you miss the Now, the most precious thing there is.”

– Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

Anger, and the 24-hour rule

I’ve been collecting data on my emotions and moods for quite some time — even before starting my meditation practice. One of my goals for 2015 was to dramatically reduce the number of times I experience anger. (I’m a passionate person.)

The raw data that I collected through the Muse headband has helped me see how anger affects my brain, even days after. This has prompted a new life-hack practice in which I (do my best to) give no power to my anger. I don’t deny it, but I don’t take it seriously. I find that postponing my thoughts on the subject for 12–24 hours almost always gives me a new perspective. A better perspective. The initial feeling of anger simply evaporates without effort.

Suffice to say,

Meditation has helped me better protect myself from mental noise and chatter. Increased self-awareness has brought a much-needed perspective and has enhanced strategic decision making tenfold. I can better see the cascading effects of each thought, and decision. My creativity has skyrocketed. My ideas are better, and they come more frequently. My mental output and stamina have also increased. Not to mention, my confidence is stronger, and more stable. I’m less prone to breaking from an unforeseen obstacle or failure.

You can bet that ninety-nine 12-minute sessions yielded some very interesting data for this noobie[17]. Below are my favourite sessions. Some great, some horrible.

Example session

71 // 2015–05–29 Fri 2314hrs 78%


71 // = session number

2015–06–23 = date

Tue = day of week

0457 hrs = time of day

95% = calm score

Spikes: Epiphanies and Ideas

What an epiphany looks like

02 // 2015–05–24 Sun 1028hrs 93%

On Thursday, May 24th, I was consumed by a business challenge. I avoided thinking about it all weekend with no success. Anxiously, thoughts kept popping up in my brain like a broken record — until I turned to meditation. “Scientists have noted that these slower (theta) brain wave patterns are accompanied by deep tranquility, [and] flashes of creative insight.”[18]

See the huge spike [1] 10 minutes in? Voila! That was an epiphany to my big challenge I tried so hard not to think about it.

Waves of ideas

53 // 2015–06–17 Wed 2241hrs 84%

Have you ever surfed the waves of the Northern Pacific Ocean off the coast of Honolulu? Neither have I, but I doubt it’s as amazing as this session. Check out the spikes representing waves of ideas.

Partying, before and after

A night of partying hard negatively affects my brain the next day. Interestingly, my mind is also pretty noisy before an event. The mere anticipation of partying gets me stirred-up and wild.

Evening adventures

Golden State vs Cavaliers

25 // 2015–06–04 Thu 2358hrs 22%

About to party

Excited to go out, my mind is anticipating some good times.

83 // 2015–06–27 Sat 2130hrs 57%

Awake for 24 hours

Can’t find calm when you’ve partied so hard the night before…

59 // 2015–06–20 Sat 1417hrs 39%

Horrible sessions

Hungry, tired, sleepy, exhausted, and doing it for all the wrong reasons. The following three sessions were amongst my most dreaded sessions. While 60% (07) and 71% (89) are not my lowest, these sessions felt like torture.

Performance anxiety

Wanted to achieve greatness, but afraid to let go.

07 // 2015–05–27 2258hrs Wed 60%

Starving and exhausted

Pushed myself too hard. Could hardly get through this session.

17 // 2015–06–01 1210hrs Mon 09%

Mental breakdown

More on this below in “Day 38: The worst and best day”

89 // 2015–06–29 0502hrs Mon 71%

Upset the night before

They say going to sleep upset or distressed is something you should avoid — and for the most part, I do. That being said, the following two sessions represent the morning after an upsetting evening. Quite low compared to my early morning average of 87.5%.

Moral: Don’t go to bed upset.

Business conflict

While I stayed calm during the actual conflict (the night prior), it clearly affected me more than I originally had thought.

39 // 2015–06–12 0438hrs Fri 57%

Upset with the wifey

Why do I ever challenge the wisdom of “Happy wife, happy life”? Because I’m a man, and I’m always wrong.

87 // 2015–06–29 0431hrs Mon 68%

Day 38: The worst and best day

Anxiety and defeat

87 // 2015–06–29 0431hrs Mon 68%

88 // 2015–06–29 0446hrs Mon 82%

89 // 2015–06–29 0502hrs Mon 71%

Started a bit rough, only to get worse. Below are my notes from that day, session 89.

“At this point — I am completely defeated. I can’t seem to get a grip. I can’t seem to calm my nerves, quiet my mind, and relax. At the end of this session, I find myself wallowing in misery. My head in my hands, wondering, ‘what just happened?’. I was so confident. I thought I had mastered my mind. Now I’m just scared. Scared shitless that I’ll never master my mind, and that this is the beginning of it getting worse.

Thoughts of work. Inadequacies as a father. You name it — I was thinking it. My mind spiralling out of control. The irony. Just last night I was studying body language, and how it affects our hormonal state, and thus, our mind.”

I went to bed upset. I awoke with the pain bodies still remaining from the night prior. For a moment, everything that I had learned up to this point about meditation and my mind, seemed to have vanished. I felt lost, and just a few days before the end of my 40-day journey. I thought to myself, “What am I going to write about now?”

Walking away

90 // 2015–06–29 Mon 0543hrs 93%

I knew that my anguish was all in my head, literally. Remembering how one’s physiology affects the mind, I went for a walk, followed by stretching and yoga in the park, and a decision not to care. I thought to myself, “If I meditate, it’s for me, and not because I’m writing an article. Just, plain ol’ beautiful me.” Arriving back home, I did one more session.

Leading up to bliss

Later that evening…

First session yielded 67%. Totally okay with that. Second session: 92% of bliss. Don’t know if it was a coincidence, or linked to my morning breakdown, but session 92 was amazing.

91 // 2015–06–29 Mon 2015hrs 67%

92 // 2015–06–29 Mon 2032hrs 91%

A description of this session is below in “Absolute bliss // 2nd place: Amazing day 38”.

Absolute bliss

Honourable mention: I did it for me

80 // 2015–06–26 Fri 0459hrs 96%

This session is amongst my greatest. I didn’t care about the score, or this article. Pure and selfish — simply for the sake of meditation. I wanted to lose myself in my breathing, and I did. It was wonderful. I was in flow.

[1] Random thought about websites updates, [2] Drifted off thinking about time and space.

3rd Place: 11.9 minutes of absolute bliss

32 // 2015–06–09 Tue 0424hrs 99%

This was an absolute amazing session. But how I achieved 99% calm — I have no idea. I have yet to achieve such a blissful state.

2nd place: Amazing day 38

92 // 2015–06–29 2032hrs Mon 91%

This session was by far the weirdest. Unlike every session before and after, my breathing did not become softer and slower, but the opposite. Every breath seemed to get deeper and faster. At one point, I was taking in way more oxygen than I was exhaling CO2. My chest expanded upwards, and my posture with it. I was in a rhythmic state, unable to slow myself down.

Oh those orange and red chakras!

I’ve collected quite a bit of data, including session time, day, and what I did the night before. I documented this data in two places: an Adobe Illustrator file with notes accompanying each graph, as well as a Google Spreadsheet capturing all the statistical data.

Below is a summary of the data collected, and detailed in a Google Spreadsheet (enclosed below).

All sessions

“LS” only takes the last session of a meditation event into account. More on this below.

Last sessions

Last sessions — days of the week

Source files

Google Spreadsheets and Graphs (Public)

Download Illustrator file

View/download screenshots



I started meditating to increase the quality of life. Documenting and measuring myself is something I enjoy, and do a lot of. The idea of writing an article came after many friends showed interest in learning more about my journey into meditation using Muse.


At first, I thought thirty days was adequate time to provide enough data to yield insight. I later extended this to 40 days. The additional ten days turned out to be a great decision as I had some very interesting experiences in the last ten days. You can read about it in Noteworthy Sessions.

Calm score (CS)

A CS is a score the app gives you. The higher the CS, the better you were able to focus on your breath and not be consumed by your mind’s chatter.

Meditation events

A meditation event is one or more consecutive sessions.

All sessions (AS) vs last sessions (LS)

AS refers to data from all sessions, while LS only takes the last session of a meditation event into account.

I believe LS is a more accurate representation of my mind-state, which is the end of a meditation event. I consider previous sessions as warm-ups. Of course, AS data is included.

Constants vs variable

There were factors that I felt were important to keep constant, while some I allowed to vary. Below is a list:


  • At least one session per day[19]
  • 12-minutes sessions
  • Sessions in a quiet place[20]
  • Technology: Device: iPhone 5, Volume level: 50%[21], Audio option: Rain in Forest, Headphones: Sony earbuds


  • Number of sessions per day
  • Pre-session stretching and light yoga
  • Clothing[22]
  • Proper intent[23]

Positions, places and attire

The majority of my meditation events were in my office, sitting on an office chair, feet up on another chair. I later decided to keep my feet flat on the ground as a standard, considering I won’t always have the opportunity to put them up.

Some meditation events were in bed, typically evening and midday sessions (I often work from home), a few in my minivan, a couple in my son’s bedroom, and one on the balcony. I’d typically wear simple and loose clothing, like loose jeans and a hoodie or pajama pants and a Tee.

Diet, exercise, sleep, and partying

  • I typically ate a slow-carb diet.[24]
  • Aside from light stretching, I stopped exercising or going to the gym. I’m in the middle of a weird body experiment. A whole post is needed to explain this decision.
  • Because I was waking up quite early (4am), I’d usually take one to two naps throughout the day. Naps were typically between 15 to 60 minutes, depending on how many hours I slept the night prior.
  • I drank occasionally and medicated using cannabis a few times.[25]
  • I didn’t stop partying, just partied less. I believe regular meditation suppressed my desire to party as I became more interested in other creative pursuits.

Pre-40-day sessions

I did a few meditation sessions prior to starting my 40-day journey. I went through ten 10-minute guided meditation sessions using the Headspace app. I also clocked in several sessions using Muse. Those sessions are:

  • 2015–05–16 0922hrs Sat 82% 03 mins
  • 2015–05–17 1157hrs Sun 54% 03 mins
  • 2015–05–19 0922hrs Tue 87% 05 mins
  • 2015–05–20 0638hrs Wed 79% 05 mins
  • 2015–05–21 0707hrs Thu 65% 07 mins

Documenting data

  • Screen-captured the line-graph using iPhone’s built-in screen capture.
  • Ported over the image(s) onto my MacBook Pro.
  • Placed images in Adobe Illustrator (each session in its own layer).
  • Within Illustrator, made reference points, lines, and notes.
  • Any points of the brain scan I felt were worthy would be highlighted.
  • Added data from each session to Google Spreadsheet. Data included:
    • Calm, neutral and active states
    • Date and time
    • Day number, session number


My first proper introduction to the benefits meditation and prayer was in 2003 when I found a stack of National Geographic magazines. It’s at this point I learned that meditation strengthens the pre-frontal cortex; the area of the brain that regulates feelings of peace and happiness. Suffice to say, I’ve known of the benefits of meditation for years, but never really started.

Fast forward more than a decade, I’ve been meditating daily for the last 90 days, clocking in over 38 hours. I can’t imagine my life without it. I only wish I started sooner. A quote comes to mind:

“To know and not to do is really not to know.”

– Stephen R Covey

The catalyst

It was a beautiful sunny day in Napa. I was attending Mastermind Talks.[26] Answering questions from stage was Tim Ferriss.[27]“What would you change about your past?” Asked a member of the audience. After a long pause, he replied “Starting meditation sooner”. Hearing how he started and stopped but never really committed, was an experience I could relate to. Hearing how much it made him super-human, was something I could not. It was at this point that I said to myself, ‘enough is enough; no more excuses,’ and made the decision to take meditation seriously.

Later that evening I was surprised to find that I won a Muse headband. The universe works in mysterious ways.

Meditation + technology = game changer

Whether you consider yourself a high-achiever, an elite performer, or perhaps someone struggling with adversity and trying to find happiness — regular meditation should be part of your formula for success. Simply, meditation is good for your brain.


“You can’t manage what you don’t measure.”

– Unknown


At no other time in history has brain (and other areas of our mind and body) sensing technology been accessible and affordable to the consumer. If you want to make leaps and bounds in your life: upgrade your brain by meditating. And it starts with measuring it

Special thanks

What started out as a simple data capturing experiment turned out to be a rather big mountain. I couldn’t have done it without the help of a bunch of people, included but not limited to my awesome wife and partner Lannie Le, Alkarim Nasser, Sami Sadaghiani, Sarah Eskandarpour, Richard Lazazzera, the peeps at InteraXon. And of course, Tim Ferriss.


[01]. Wikipedia.org/wiki/Electroencephalography

[02]. EEGspectrum.com/faq

[03]. HullInstitute.com/Neurofeedback

[04]. Wikipedia.org/wiki/Neurofeedback#History_and_application, BrainWorksNeurotherapy.com/history-and-development, NewStatesman.com/can-diy-neuroscience-make-you…, Wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_J._White, Wikipedia.org/wiki/Attention_deficit_hyperactivity_disorder#History, TheGuardian.com/science/2015/jun/28/vaughan-bell-neuroscience-marketing-advertising, TheGuardian.com/science/2015/jul/09/monkey-brain-net-raises-prospect-of-human-brain-to-brain-connection

[05]. SamHarris.org

[06]. Forbes.com

[07]. TheMeditationNlog.com/how-old-is-meditation/

[08]. Wikipedia.org/wiki/Meditation

[09]. A Brymar College Course (song, 2000), by Deltron 3030, Dan the Automator

[10]. Wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Wave-particle_duality, Video

[11]. Nirvana is a place of perfect peace and happiness, like heaven. In Hinduism and Buddhism, nirvana is the highest state that someone can attain, a state of enlightenment, meaning a person’s individual desires and suffering go away. Vocabulary.com/dictionary/nirvana

[12]. Video: How to make BPC

[13]. HarvardHealthBooks.org

[14]. Online.Liebertpub.com

[15]. Wikipedia.org/wiki/Laozi

[16]. I said this.

[17]. Newbie, newb, noob, n00b, noobie, n00bie, nooblet, or nub is a slang term for a novice or newcomer, or somebody inexperienced in any profession or activity

[18]. CenterPointe.com/articles/articles-research

[19]. Only one day was missed (Saturday, June 6th).

[20]. This was not always possible. While ambient noise was fine, abrupt noise and background conversations impacted session.

[21]. 7/16 – 8/16 (50%) bars depending on level ambient sounds. If the volume was too loud, it would be distracting. If too low, getting adequate feedback was difficult.

[22]. When possible, I would wear comfortable clothing.

[23]. I should have made this a constant, but I simply forgot at times. When I did prepare to meditate with the proper intent (peace and calm vs I’m collecting data for an article) I’d achieve much greater results.

[24]. My inlaws were visiting from Vietnam, so there was no avoiding traditional rice or noodle dishes at times.

[25]. Interestingly, after my first week I really lost interest in both alcohol and medicating using cannabis. Not sure if it was the meditation or the combination of better choices, including slow carb diet.

[26]. Learn more on how Jason is awesomeness at: http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/24666531

[27]. Best-selling author of many great books, Tim is an overall amazing human being.


5 Ways Meditation Can Help You Overcome Thanksgiving Stress

Beautiful fall scene at Thanksgiving

There’s no denying that Thanksgiving is a happy and celebratory time as family and friends gather together to give thanks, but it can also be tremendously stressful, due to the commitments and obligations involved. Meditation has been proven to help reduce stress and anxiety, promote more restful sleep, increase focus and mental clarity, and improve decision-making – all things that are especially valuable during a busy holiday weekend.
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