Sometimes in life, as we go about our daily routines, we feel compelled by influences not immediately known, to explore new boundaries or broaden current ones. Today we feature the story of our very own Steven Dee, an integral developer here at Muse who’s decided to shift gears and move on to a life as a Modern Monastic at the Center for Mindful Learning. Today is Steve’s last day at Muse. Without further ado, here, in his own words, is his story:
Back on retreat in 2013, there was a day when I had, what I still consider, kind of a significant shift in my relationship to life and practice. I was biking up a hill to get back to the monastery from the coffee shop where I spent lots of my breaks. I was focusing on external sensations.
As I pedalled, my entire worldview crumbled. All of the projects I cared about would never come to fruition. My practice would never go anywhere. I’d never help anyone. There was no reason to keep going, or to not keep going. It was a feeling of deep hopelessness and pointlessness to my entire life and everything I was doing.
So I just kept going. There was no reason to pedal or to not pedal, so I pedalled. I couldn’t tell you why I did. My life kept happening, and I didn’t know why it was happening.
That basic not-knowing is still identifiably here right now. It doesn’t feel hopeless anymore. There’s a feeling in it that I struggle to give a name—I might call it peace or trust or love.
This is my last week at InteraXon. In April, I’m joining Center for Mindful Learning as a full-time modern monastic. I don’t know why I’m doing it. I can explain it, but I don’t believe any of the explanations. That’s not to say that they’re intentionally misleading—just incorrect or incomplete.
“My work is elsewhere.”
Every time I’ve left a job up until this one, no matter how amicable the parting has been, there’s been some sense in me of “my work is elsewhere.” Not so with InteraXon. I’m still pretty convinced that this is the best company and one of the most important projects in the world right now. I don’t think my work is done here.
But it’s undeniably shifting gears. I’m grateful to be leaving my projects—libmuse and the SDK tools—in some very capable hands and very kind hearts. Things are now at a point where I’m comfortable stepping away from the code a bit. So now I have a chance to dive into this inner work whole-heartedly, with nothing left out, with no distractions.
I have no end date in mind with CML. If you ask me how long I’ll be there, I’ll say “as long as it takes.”
In this next phase, I hope to stay connected to all of my coworkers here. You are all my family. I can’t tell you how grateful I am to have met and worked with you. Let’s keep going.
And I hope to continue to serve this amazing, once-in-a-lifetime company in any capacity that I can. You’ll be able to find me on the developer forums soon enough. From here, maybe I write some third-party Muse apps; maybe one day I begin to contribute as a meditation teacher. But for now, gate gate pāragate pārasaṃgate bodhi svāhā!
From all of us at InteraXon / Muse we wish Steve the very best on his new path and may his experiences be forever fruitful!